April to September 2016. I vividly remember being ready to be single. Had I not been so disappointed over the last two years, maybe I wouldn’t have been so pessimistic about dating. The whole “take time for yourself and be comfortable being alone” was resonating with me. I had not taken any time to myself. I was constantly giving my energy to everything and everyone else around me.
Step #1 – I deactivated and deleted all of my online profiles (except with Match, you can’t actually delete your photos…annoying).
Step #2 – I had to get my ass back to the gym. By April, I was the heaviest I’d ever been. None of my other clothes fucking fit. Queen B helped me map out a diet plan (I was consuming, on average, 2400 to 3000 calories per day and the goal was to cut it to 1600-1800), I downloaded the “MyFitnessPal” app which tracks all sorts of things like your calories when you input what you’ve eaten. I started going back to the gym. The first week, I went balls to the wall. I completely cut out sugar and went to the gym every day. By Saturday of that first week my brain and my body were so out of whack, that I had a severe breakdown. I was in the shower and my mind was racing. I hadn’t washed all of the shampoo out of my hair. I turned off the water, wrapped a towel around me, ran into my mom’s bedroom, plopped on her bed and cried my eyes out. It scared her. She hugged me and kept asking what was wrong. I told her that I wasn’t sure why I was feeling so overwhelmed.
After a few minutes, I calmed down, thanked her, finished my shower and laid down. I had a party that night at Queen B’s. I took a nap and went over to her place early so that I could tell her about what happened. I was laying in her bed recanting my breakdown. The first thing she asked was, what did my diet/workout regimen look like that last week. I told her I cut out almost all sugars, I wasn’t snacking and I hadn’t had any alcohol. She said that I broke down because I shocked my system by starving my brain and body. She used the analogy of a crack addict weaning off drugs versus going cold turkey. It made sense. I was fucking “hangry”.
Suddenly, I had a donut craving. People started arriving shortly after with snacks, food and booze. Cheese walked in with a box of donuts. I was so fucking excited. I ended up eating a few.
I uninstalled the MyFitnessPal app. I was tired of it. I knew what I had to do – I had to stop obsessing about losing the weight, be consistent at the gym and enjoy food in moderation. I didn’t cut out anything completely. In seven weeks, I lost eight pounds, I was in better shape, my clothes were fitting and I felt fantastic.
Step #3 – Purge. Marie Kondo’s “The Life-changing Magic Of Tidying Up” became my bible. I did what made sense. I went through old photos reminiscing and ripping the ones that didn’t matter to me. I went through ALL of my clothes and shoes and divided them up between “keep”, “trash”, “sell/donate”. That was a beast. I came upon a little app called Varage Sale and it became my obsession. I sold anything and everything, including gently used makeup and bras.
I purged the fuck out of my stuff and revamped my room. I sold a lot. I took my earnings, hit up Ikea and bought a couple of wardrobes, lamps, curtains, baskets and carts. I bought a new duve, sheets and pillows.
I literally made myself more breathing room. I felt lighter.
The rest of the summer was great. I spent a lot of great quality time with my cousins (Ming), Queen B, Cheese, Miss D and Kris (just to name a few). There were trips to Montreal, camping, Tobermoray, weddings and days spent in the sun with my loves. It was a fuckless, dateless summer and I was the happiest I’d been in a long time.
I was thankful.
Vic and I threw our first annual birthday BBQ. It was a huge success. There were about 80 guests who were in and out of the house all day and night. There was a ton of food and even more alcohol. The clean-up sucked ass, but well worth it.
Vic made a point to tell me that he was glad to see how happy I was.
Again, I was thankful. I was delighted and relieved to feel genuinely content. Calm.
