September 2016. The buzz was back at work.
Me and my work peeps did our typical “how was your summer” conversations.
Paul was disappointed that I didn’t have any sexy stories to regal him with. I think he enjoyed living vicariously through me (hehe). He was also eager to set me up with someone, anyone.
One day he came to my desk, almost giddy. He asked, “guess who’s single?” I had no fucking clue. He proceeded to tell me that his buddy, Big Country, broke up with his long-time live-in girlfriend over the summer.
He had mentioned the Big Country in passing. He always talked about how he was “a nice, good guy, who had his shit together. He owned his own house, boat, etc.” He was always saying I should be with a guy like him.
Paul had good intentions, saying he wanted to see me happy with a good man. I had to constantly reminded him that I didn’t need a man to be happy. Not only that, a lot of the men he was recommending were fucking taken; so what was the point in even mentioning them to me?
Anyway, I told him I wasn’t interested in being this guy’s rebound. He left it alone…for like a week or two.
October 2016. Big Country would visit Paul and we’d say hello, but that was it.
Yeah, I thought he was cute. I didn’t ever go for flannel wearing farm boys, but there’s a first for everything and cute is cute.
After one particular visit with Paul, Big Country actually stopped at my desk to chat. It was out of the ordinary, but I thought nothing of it.
Later that same day, Paul told me that he informed Big Country that I was single and apparently he was interested.
Paul asked my permission to give Big Country my phone number.
Without any resistance, I agreed. Fuck, if Paul, my good friend, was vouching for this “great guy” then I’ll allow it. I mean, my track record thus far was pretty lackluster.
Big Country messaged me right away. We chatted sparsely for a few days and decided to meet up at a pub. I was excited and nervous. He was sitting at the bar chatting on his phone when I arrived.
He was easy to have a conversation with. He seemed goofy, highly energetic and funny. We had a couple of drinks and ordered food. We talked a lot about food and travel. He was going to a friends’ wedding in the Dominican in a couple of weeks. I learned he had a sister, brother, nieces and he was close with his parents. He was four years younger than me. He and his ex broke up because she was ready for marriage and babies. He was not. They were together for over five years.
Red Flag #1 – Rebound alert. He just exited a serious relationship where I was well passed the rebound stage in my life.
We had a good time. He paid for the bill and said I could get the next one when we went out for Pho; he really wanted to eat some vermicelli. This seemed promising – a possible second “date” or whatever you want to call it.
We walked out together and got into our respective vehicles – no kiss on the cheek or hug.
When I didn’t hear from him for about a week, I decided to reach out and asked if he wanted to go for Pho. He said he couldn’t because he had hockey. That was the gist of the conversation. No exchange of any pleasantries whatsoever; it was shitty, really.
After not hearing from him for a few more days, I figured it was a done deal and he wasn’t interested. Fuck it.
Paul kept asking about him. I told him I hadn’t heard from him and sarcastically thanked him for his wonderful recommendation. He apologized (I laughed and said it was ok. His intentions were good).
November 2016. A month after our one and only date, I was sitting at work and out of the blue, got a text from Big Country saying that we should go for Pho some time soon.
I was shocked and annoyed, but also excited.
There I went again, feeling excitement for some guy that so rudely gave me the shaft. Ugh.
Red Flag#2 – He ghosted my ass; hadn’t messaged me for a month. Why was I excited? (I was repeating old patterns, damn it!)
After some texting back and forth, we made plans to go to a restaurant downtown that Vic recommended. Since Big Country was from the boonies we decided that he would drive to my place and I would drive us the rest of the way.
On the car ride down he explained that he hadn’t reached out to me because he was out of the country for a wedding and was “busy taking care of things” the rest of the time.
I didn’t like the “busy” excuse, but I accepted it anyway and hoped it wouldn’t happen again.
We had a good time at dinner. I liked that he didn’t bring his cellphone into the restaurant.
He made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in getting into anything serious. I figured as much since his ex moved out only a few months before. I thought to myself, I can handle this. We will have a fun, no strings attached, good time. I mean, how hard could I fall for this hunting, fishing, country boy who didn’t want a relationship?
Now, if you’ve read my posts thus far, you can already predict the answer to that question.
We went out a couple more times after Pho and he didn’t make any moves. I didn’t feel like making the first move (which normally, I would). His energy just didn’t entice me to.
That changed (sort of) when we went out in his end he invited me to his neck of the woods for dinner. It was decided that I would drop my car off at his place and he would drive us into town. I drove way past his house a few times since there aren’t any streetlights on his stretch of country road. I couldn’t see shit.
He lived in an old farmhouse on two acres of pristine property.
He was at the door, ready. He took us to his favourite Thai place. The food was just okay, but we had a good time. He had a good sense of humour, the conversation flowed well and I liked that he wasn’t picky about food.
When we got back to his place he invited me in. He gave me a tour. It was clean and tidy. It was a cute house that he was re-doing room by room. We sat in the family room, watched some TV and drank beer. He eventually brought his dog inside. He was beautiful; one of the biggest I’d ever seen. He was highly energetic so to keep him occupied, Big Country distracted him with a conch filled with peanut butter or some other treat.
Anyway, at one point, I got up to get something from my purse. He then said to me, “When you’re done, come over here and give me a smooch”. This wasn’t the worse way to ask for a kiss, but it was a bit of a turn off. I sat down next to him on the couch and kissed him. It was anticlimactic. Our lips just didn’t mesh. Ugh.
December 2016. We were getting along pretty well. I thought it was sweet when he visited my desk for a chat; but he just wasn’t great at keeping in touch. I didn’t hear from him unless we were making plans. I wasn’t a fan of that, but I kept reminding myself that he wasn’t my man and I couldn’t put “boyfriend” expectations on him.
By mid-month we had hung out at least 6 or 7 times, but surprisingly, still hadn’t had sex.
That changed the evening we went to a World Junior hockey game a few days before Christmas.
I bought the tickets with every intention of taking him. He was a big hockey fan and so was I. He was pretty psyched when I invited him. He offered to pay for dinner and a night in a hotel downtown. I was excited!
We booked the Delta Chelsea and made reservations at Jump for dinner. He drove us down and when we got to the hotel we had a few drinks and got ready.
It was a really fun night (despite him not being a fan of the restaurant). After dinner we went to the Loose Moose for a couple of drinks and then walked over to the ACC.
It was a pretty weak crowd so we were able to sit at centre ice, second or third row back. We drank more. Team Canada won, which was awesome.
My memory lapsed after that point.
I woke up at the crack of dawn, still drunk.
As I re-played the previous night in my head, I remembered everything clearly up until the end of the hockey game.
The rest of the night represented itself in very quick flashbacks. For example, I remember shoving wasabi peas up his nose after leaving the hockey game. My next flashback was a 2 second scene of Big Country fucking me from behind in our hotel room. There were no other details. Shit. This was not how I wanted our first time to go. I wanted to at least have been able to remember if it was any good.
When I got up to pee, I scanned the room. I had left a trail of clothing from the headboard of the bed all the way into the washroom. I had clearly started getting naked in the washroom since my pants were laying on the bathroom sink, my underwear lay just outside the door, socks on the mini bar and my bra and shirt on the headboard. I laughed as I picked up each piece.
Big Country woke up when I got back into bed. He said I was wild the previous night.
He said he told me that he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was so wasted; but I was so persistent and adamant that I pretty much gave him no choice (so typical of my drunk/aggressive self).
I had to ask if the sex was any good (good lord). He said it was great; that I was an animal. A sense of relief and embarrassment came over me. Oh well.
We had sex again that morning, but before we did, he had to go on a hunt for a store that was open so he could get condoms. He had only brought one for the trip (which was used the night before) and I had none. He was gone for almost an hour. It was like 6am and he went walking all over the damn city for an open store.
Ultimately, the sex was not bad, but not great; almost as anticlimactic as his kiss. Ugh. The bright side? He ate pussy, which was (and is) very important, and he was good at that. He had a nice cock too.
We packed up and checked out around noon.
We headed back to Ajax and had breakfast at my favourite place, Angelique’s. It’s far too busy these days, but totally worth the wait; a mom and pop restaurant that served big ass portions and had great service.
After he dropped me off I felt good. I liked him and was excited to see what was in store for us. He seemed to reciprocate the feeling through his messages over the rest of the holidays.
I gushed about him to Cheese and Queen B. I got a bit of a slap on the wrist when I explained how I was blackout drunk and didn’t remember having sex with him the first time, but it gave us a good laugh.
January 2017. We didn’t spend any of the holiday break together, but in the New Year, I was staying at his house at least twice a week. We were going out for dinner and making dinners together (which I much preferred and so did he). He’d make us breakfast if I was over on the weekends.
At one point he suggested that we should visit the Spa Nordik in Quebec during our winter reading week. I was pleasantly surprised at the idea. Of course I wanted to go! I had never been and a getaway with the man I was into was a good sign for us, no? I started planning the trip right away. I was so excited!
He was open about his feelings. He would tell me that he was really into me and he was happy with the way things were going. Although, he made it very clear that he was in no rush to be in a relationship.
There was no denying it, I was falling for him.
Red Flag #3 – He did not want a relationship and I thought I could just go along with it, even though deep down I wanted a commitment.
During all this time, I confided in Lady G, Miss D, Cheese and Queen B. For the most part, they were positive about the prospects of Big Country. They reminded me that as long as I could handle the fact that he didn’t want a relationship and I could “go with the flow” and just have fun then all would be good; otherwise, I needed to walk away.
I should’ve listened. I was into this guy far more than he was into me but I didn’t want to give up on him just yet. Maybe I could change his mind as he spent more time with me and I could show him how wonderful I was. I was so naïve (even though I knew better).
Big fucking mistake.
